Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
it's not the pale moon that excites me
So, I suck at keeping up with this when I'm in my hometown. But fear not! I'm back at school, which means less social life, therefore, more blogging!
Updates!
I chopped off 9 inches of my hair, which was glorious. Only now, I want it even shorter. The perfectionist is never satisfied.
A cashier at the food court cursed me last Tuesday when I was getting breakfast. I shall further explain now.
I was just moseying up to the register when I dropped all of my food on the floor. The cashier said, "Is it one of those days?" and I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days."
What does she say back?
"It's probably just going to get worst."
I have now missed a Chemistry class, a Calculus class, accidentally sat in on a class that wasn't mine for an hour, introduce myself as someone who would bring a mace to a party in my acting class, insulted my Calc professor, and just in general I have 5 classes in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays with no lunch break in between. And a boy who's in love with me switched into my acting class. I am not in love with him.
Hence, I've come to the conclusion that that cashier has been performing black voodoo magic on me all week.
On to another subject, for the past semester something really bothered me that I couldn't shake. Everyone I met seemed to think I was adorable. Never in my life have I heard the phrase, "You're sooooo cute!" so many times in my life. It got under my skin like nothing else! It was the fact that people were judging me solely on my appearance, not even attempting to get to know me as someone other than an adorable piece of furniture. Over the winter, though, I think I realized that I shouldn't try to deny certain things about myself, even if they don't help me come across the way that I wish I did. I've kind of figured out that I can be a cute commodity with my hair bows and ballerina dresses without sacrificing an ounce of my animalistic ferocity. Take that, Elmo!
Also, I had a really powerful experience in my acting class today. My professor had me and three fellow classmates stand up in front of everyone, and that was it. We just stood there, for 5 or 6 minutes. And it's hard to explain the closeness I felt to everyone in that room during that silence. I felt like if we could endure simply being like that, that we could do anything together without judgment. Very cool stuff.
Something's been kind of perplexing me the past couple of days: manufactured happiness. The kind you smoke. I guess what I don't fully understand is the idea that you need something mind altering in order to be a non-judgmental, happy person, in order to be yourself around people you care about and strangers alike, in order to have deep, powerful conversations with someone significant. I'm trying to understand, but it's just very difficult for me to wrap my head around because I've had extremely satisfying experiences with strangers and very close friends without the use of any sort of drug or "social lubricant" as someone called it in a conversation I had the other day.
My mind is wandering.
Ah, a song came to me in Calculus yesterday. Background info: I have never written a good song. Never. That is completely objective. I am shit at song writing. However, when I wrote, everything I wanted to say just worked. Hopefully I'll finish it, edit it, all that jazz and be able to post it on here for, what is it, one follower now? haha to judge and scrutinize more objectively than I.
Norah Jones, you slay me with your voice. In a good way, of course.
Being honest with someone you love is the most important thing I've learned.
I do not enjoy memorizing ions the day before a test, a test I must take at eight in the morning no less.
Question: How do you approach having a deep conversation with someone? I hate that the only times this happens is late, late at night in a secluded area. Never somewhere easy, like I don't know, a couch.
Sigh. So much on the mind, so few words on the tongue.
TTFN, my one follower.
Updates!
I chopped off 9 inches of my hair, which was glorious. Only now, I want it even shorter. The perfectionist is never satisfied.
A cashier at the food court cursed me last Tuesday when I was getting breakfast. I shall further explain now.
I was just moseying up to the register when I dropped all of my food on the floor. The cashier said, "Is it one of those days?" and I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days."
What does she say back?
"It's probably just going to get worst."
I have now missed a Chemistry class, a Calculus class, accidentally sat in on a class that wasn't mine for an hour, introduce myself as someone who would bring a mace to a party in my acting class, insulted my Calc professor, and just in general I have 5 classes in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays with no lunch break in between. And a boy who's in love with me switched into my acting class. I am not in love with him.
Hence, I've come to the conclusion that that cashier has been performing black voodoo magic on me all week.
On to another subject, for the past semester something really bothered me that I couldn't shake. Everyone I met seemed to think I was adorable. Never in my life have I heard the phrase, "You're sooooo cute!" so many times in my life. It got under my skin like nothing else! It was the fact that people were judging me solely on my appearance, not even attempting to get to know me as someone other than an adorable piece of furniture. Over the winter, though, I think I realized that I shouldn't try to deny certain things about myself, even if they don't help me come across the way that I wish I did. I've kind of figured out that I can be a cute commodity with my hair bows and ballerina dresses without sacrificing an ounce of my animalistic ferocity. Take that, Elmo!
Also, I had a really powerful experience in my acting class today. My professor had me and three fellow classmates stand up in front of everyone, and that was it. We just stood there, for 5 or 6 minutes. And it's hard to explain the closeness I felt to everyone in that room during that silence. I felt like if we could endure simply being like that, that we could do anything together without judgment. Very cool stuff.
Something's been kind of perplexing me the past couple of days: manufactured happiness. The kind you smoke. I guess what I don't fully understand is the idea that you need something mind altering in order to be a non-judgmental, happy person, in order to be yourself around people you care about and strangers alike, in order to have deep, powerful conversations with someone significant. I'm trying to understand, but it's just very difficult for me to wrap my head around because I've had extremely satisfying experiences with strangers and very close friends without the use of any sort of drug or "social lubricant" as someone called it in a conversation I had the other day.
My mind is wandering.
Ah, a song came to me in Calculus yesterday. Background info: I have never written a good song. Never. That is completely objective. I am shit at song writing. However, when I wrote, everything I wanted to say just worked. Hopefully I'll finish it, edit it, all that jazz and be able to post it on here for, what is it, one follower now? haha to judge and scrutinize more objectively than I.
Norah Jones, you slay me with your voice. In a good way, of course.
Being honest with someone you love is the most important thing I've learned.
I do not enjoy memorizing ions the day before a test, a test I must take at eight in the morning no less.
Question: How do you approach having a deep conversation with someone? I hate that the only times this happens is late, late at night in a secluded area. Never somewhere easy, like I don't know, a couch.
Sigh. So much on the mind, so few words on the tongue.
TTFN, my one follower.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
fa la la la la
This post will be short and sweet; I just feel like sharing some things that inspire me in case your creative juices are frozen over this winter.
http://igorandandre.blogspot.com/
This artist is BRILLIANT. I especially love the way he draws cheeks-- so delicate and feminine against the strong bone structure of his subjects.
http://wishwishwish.net/
The cutest fashion blog in the entire world! It's also British which automatically makes it a ten in my book.
http://seaofshoes.com/
A favorite of mine; Jane Aldridge has the most unique style.
http://www.raspberryworld.com/today/variations.html
Just a really beautiful poem.
http://stylecaster.com/
This is the coolest website I've ever found! It gives you professionally styled looks based on preferences and your area's weather forecast.
That's all for now! Drink lots of coffee, eat lots of chocolate, and wear lots of fleece!
http://igorandandre.blogspot.com/
This artist is BRILLIANT. I especially love the way he draws cheeks-- so delicate and feminine against the strong bone structure of his subjects.
http://wishwishwish.net/
The cutest fashion blog in the entire world! It's also British which automatically makes it a ten in my book.
http://seaofshoes.com/
A favorite of mine; Jane Aldridge has the most unique style.
http://www.raspberryworld.com/today/variations.html
Just a really beautiful poem.
http://stylecaster.com/
This is the coolest website I've ever found! It gives you professionally styled looks based on preferences and your area's weather forecast.
That's all for now! Drink lots of coffee, eat lots of chocolate, and wear lots of fleece!
Monday, December 14, 2009
what's in a name?
My name alone is not a spectacular word. Your voice alone is not magnificent.
But you said my name, for the first time in months it seems, and the galaxies exploded for a millisecond. I felt it.
Only you saying my name would result in me foolishly wandering around the interior of empty, dimly lit campus buildings I've never been in.
Some poems, yes? Oh, I have an exciting tidbit! My English professor was really impressed with a term paper that I wrote as a poem (it was a biography, bleh, boring, right?). Well, she thinks I should get it published in some literary journals, campus wide and beyond. Some other professors are using the piece in class, too. Can you believe it? My professor even said that I should pursue a masters in creative writing and literature from Yale. Confidence boost?
Nahhhh.
I prefer you,
a gentle breeze
over a hasty gust.
I prefer you,
five o'clock shadow
over ten o'clock darkness.
I prefer you,
foggy glasses
over foggy windows.
I prefer you,
under the stars
over a parked car.
I prefer you,
love
over boredom.
I prefer you.
But you said my name, for the first time in months it seems, and the galaxies exploded for a millisecond. I felt it.
Only you saying my name would result in me foolishly wandering around the interior of empty, dimly lit campus buildings I've never been in.
Some poems, yes? Oh, I have an exciting tidbit! My English professor was really impressed with a term paper that I wrote as a poem (it was a biography, bleh, boring, right?). Well, she thinks I should get it published in some literary journals, campus wide and beyond. Some other professors are using the piece in class, too. Can you believe it? My professor even said that I should pursue a masters in creative writing and literature from Yale. Confidence boost?
Nahhhh.
I prefer you,
a gentle breeze
over a hasty gust.
I prefer you,
five o'clock shadow
over ten o'clock darkness.
I prefer you,
foggy glasses
over foggy windows.
I prefer you,
under the stars
over a parked car.
I prefer you,
love
over boredom.
I prefer you.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
the ten and the two is the loneliest sight
I've been an awful little blogger lately, so to my 3 or so readers, I apologize. I came down with a cold last night and just got back from Thanksgiving break, not to mention finals are in about a week, so I've been a little distracted.
Lately, I wish that writing and sending letters was a more common practice; it's so romantic, so organic. There is something very rich in writing prose to a good friend or someone even more in your own haphazard cursive penmanship. I adore letters. In fact, I've written two or three in the past few days just to give my stationery some fresh air.
School is almost over which I'm anxiously awaiting. I love being at university, but I need a good solid month of home. Not having friends gets a little exhausting after a few months, ya dig?
How many times can I listen to this silly John Mayer song before I tire of it? My research so far says "never".
Basically I'm just shuffling my feet along, only picking them up when I have to. Dear God, only two more weeks until I'm done!
Lately, I wish that writing and sending letters was a more common practice; it's so romantic, so organic. There is something very rich in writing prose to a good friend or someone even more in your own haphazard cursive penmanship. I adore letters. In fact, I've written two or three in the past few days just to give my stationery some fresh air.
School is almost over which I'm anxiously awaiting. I love being at university, but I need a good solid month of home. Not having friends gets a little exhausting after a few months, ya dig?
How many times can I listen to this silly John Mayer song before I tire of it? My research so far says "never".
Basically I'm just shuffling my feet along, only picking them up when I have to. Dear God, only two more weeks until I'm done!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
a case of the tuesdays?
Okay, people who read this but don't actually follow it on Blogger (that's right, 0 followers), I've been neglecting actually writing anything for a while. So, I'm going to be boring and give just some brief updates.
Let's start off with the cliche, "How's school going?" or "How do you like it down at Western?"
Well, friends, to answer the first one, I checked my grades today and may actually make it without a C this semester. Huzzah! Which may not seem like much, but I'm taking a shitload of math and science classes that I don't really give a damn about, so for me no C's is B-I-G.
For the second question, I'll go out on an honesty limb and say: I don't know if I like it. There are definite cons. I have no theater, thus increasing self doubt (Was I really even good to start with? Will I suck when I get back at it?). I haven't sung in months. I can't actually drive anywhere. I have to familiarize myself with an entirely new city. I have no way of meeting people I actually have things in common with. I do quite a bit of work in the place of the carefree high school life I could be leading. However, there are definite pros, such as actually having time to really explore who I am. I'm so much more who I am now than I've ever been; and I might actually like who that is? I know! Crazy crazy stuff. I'm working harder than I ever have before. I appreciate people who love me back home. Hell, I appreciate everything.
Second matter: what else do people normally ask?
Um, maybe you all want to know if I've made friends or anything? Sure, we'll go with that.
Yes, I've made "friends". I know people. We have inside jokes. We laugh. No one knows me though. It takes a lot to know me. You have to work really really hard to know me. Better want it rather badly. So on that front, I have the appearance of being friends with everyone but in actuality, I'm barely friends with a person here.
What else shall I write about?
Anyone want to know some trig identities? No? I have to memorize them, actually, so I had better be off.
Oh, and for whoever reads this but doesn't officially "follow" it, any other questions are totally open for the asking, so call. Or email. Throw a rock through my window, I don't care. Human contact is nice.
Love always,
Mad
Let's start off with the cliche, "How's school going?" or "How do you like it down at Western?"
Well, friends, to answer the first one, I checked my grades today and may actually make it without a C this semester. Huzzah! Which may not seem like much, but I'm taking a shitload of math and science classes that I don't really give a damn about, so for me no C's is B-I-G.
For the second question, I'll go out on an honesty limb and say: I don't know if I like it. There are definite cons. I have no theater, thus increasing self doubt (Was I really even good to start with? Will I suck when I get back at it?). I haven't sung in months. I can't actually drive anywhere. I have to familiarize myself with an entirely new city. I have no way of meeting people I actually have things in common with. I do quite a bit of work in the place of the carefree high school life I could be leading. However, there are definite pros, such as actually having time to really explore who I am. I'm so much more who I am now than I've ever been; and I might actually like who that is? I know! Crazy crazy stuff. I'm working harder than I ever have before. I appreciate people who love me back home. Hell, I appreciate everything.
Second matter: what else do people normally ask?
Um, maybe you all want to know if I've made friends or anything? Sure, we'll go with that.
Yes, I've made "friends". I know people. We have inside jokes. We laugh. No one knows me though. It takes a lot to know me. You have to work really really hard to know me. Better want it rather badly. So on that front, I have the appearance of being friends with everyone but in actuality, I'm barely friends with a person here.
What else shall I write about?
Anyone want to know some trig identities? No? I have to memorize them, actually, so I had better be off.
Oh, and for whoever reads this but doesn't officially "follow" it, any other questions are totally open for the asking, so call. Or email. Throw a rock through my window, I don't care. Human contact is nice.
Love always,
Mad
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