it's not the pale moon that excites me

So, I suck at keeping up with this when I'm in my hometown. But fear not! I'm back at school, which means less social life, therefore, more blogging!

Updates!

I chopped off 9 inches of my hair, which was glorious. Only now, I want it even shorter. The perfectionist is never satisfied.

A cashier at the food court cursed me last Tuesday when I was getting breakfast. I shall further explain now.

I was just moseying up to the register when I dropped all of my food on the floor. The cashier said, "Is it one of those days?" and I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days."

What does she say back?

"It's probably just going to get worst."

I have now missed a Chemistry class, a Calculus class, accidentally sat in on a class that wasn't mine for an hour, introduce myself as someone who would bring a mace to a party in my acting class, insulted my Calc professor, and just in general I have 5 classes in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays with no lunch break in between. And a boy who's in love with me switched into my acting class. I am not in love with him.

Hence, I've come to the conclusion that that cashier has been performing black voodoo magic on me all week.

On to another subject, for the past semester something really bothered me that I couldn't shake. Everyone I met seemed to think I was adorable. Never in my life have I heard the phrase, "You're sooooo cute!" so many times in my life. It got under my skin like nothing else! It was the fact that people were judging me solely on my appearance, not even attempting to get to know me as someone other than an adorable piece of furniture. Over the winter, though, I think I realized that I shouldn't try to deny certain things about myself, even if they don't help me come across the way that I wish I did. I've kind of figured out that I can be a cute commodity with my hair bows and ballerina dresses without sacrificing an ounce of my animalistic ferocity. Take that, Elmo!

Also, I had a really powerful experience in my acting class today. My professor had me and three fellow classmates stand up in front of everyone, and that was it. We just stood there, for 5 or 6 minutes. And it's hard to explain the closeness I felt to everyone in that room during that silence. I felt like if we could endure simply being like that, that we could do anything together without judgment. Very cool stuff.

Something's been kind of perplexing me the past couple of days: manufactured happiness. The kind you smoke. I guess what I don't fully understand is the idea that you need something mind altering in order to be a non-judgmental, happy person, in order to be yourself around people you care about and strangers alike, in order to have deep, powerful conversations with someone significant. I'm trying to understand, but it's just very difficult for me to wrap my head around because I've had extremely satisfying experiences with strangers and very close friends without the use of any sort of drug or "social lubricant" as someone called it in a conversation I had the other day.

My mind is wandering.

Ah, a song came to me in Calculus yesterday. Background info: I have never written a good song. Never. That is completely objective. I am shit at song writing. However, when I wrote, everything I wanted to say just worked. Hopefully I'll finish it, edit it, all that jazz and be able to post it on here for, what is it, one follower now? haha to judge and scrutinize more objectively than I.

Norah Jones, you slay me with your voice. In a good way, of course.

Being honest with someone you love is the most important thing I've learned.

I do not enjoy memorizing ions the day before a test, a test I must take at eight in the morning no less.

Question: How do you approach having a deep conversation with someone? I hate that the only times this happens is late, late at night in a secluded area. Never somewhere easy, like I don't know, a couch.

Sigh. So much on the mind, so few words on the tongue.

TTFN, my one follower.