a case of the tuesdays?

Okay, people who read this but don't actually follow it on Blogger (that's right, 0 followers), I've been neglecting actually writing anything for a while. So, I'm going to be boring and give just some brief updates.

Let's start off with the cliche, "How's school going?" or "How do you like it down at Western?"

Well, friends, to answer the first one, I checked my grades today and may actually make it without a C this semester. Huzzah! Which may not seem like much, but I'm taking a shitload of math and science classes that I don't really give a damn about, so for me no C's is B-I-G.

For the second question, I'll go out on an honesty limb and say: I don't know if I like it. There are definite cons. I have no theater, thus increasing self doubt (Was I really even good to start with? Will I suck when I get back at it?). I haven't sung in months. I can't actually drive anywhere. I have to familiarize myself with an entirely new city. I have no way of meeting people I actually have things in common with. I do quite a bit of work in the place of the carefree high school life I could be leading. However, there are definite pros, such as actually having time to really explore who I am. I'm so much more who I am now than I've ever been; and I might actually like who that is? I know! Crazy crazy stuff. I'm working harder than I ever have before. I appreciate people who love me back home. Hell, I appreciate everything.

Second matter: what else do people normally ask?

Um, maybe you all want to know if I've made friends or anything? Sure, we'll go with that.

Yes, I've made "friends". I know people. We have inside jokes. We laugh. No one knows me though. It takes a lot to know me. You have to work really really hard to know me. Better want it rather badly. So on that front, I have the appearance of being friends with everyone but in actuality, I'm barely friends with a person here.

What else shall I write about?

Anyone want to know some trig identities? No? I have to memorize them, actually, so I had better be off.

Oh, and for whoever reads this but doesn't officially "follow" it, any other questions are totally open for the asking, so call. Or email. Throw a rock through my window, I don't care. Human contact is nice.

Love always,
Mad

happy hanuka

She is so epic. I was on the fence about whether I liked her or not until this video came out.

A) The song has been stuck in my head all day.
B) This girl can dance.
C) This song sickly resembles my love life.
D) It's Lady Effing Gaga.

robbery, sir

The only person I want and need to talk about this with is the exact person that I can't call at all.

the idea of home is gone.

I'm getting to that point where you realize you can't go back to the life you established when you were a kid. For me, especially, it's a difficult stage to be in. I'm not yet in college, but I'm not in high school; my life is floating somewhere in the universe, bobbing up and down trying to find the next planet to pull it into their gravitational force field.

At the moment, life feels empty. Devoid of all passion would be an understatement. Okay, maybe not devoid, because all of my emotion is rather intense and sporadic and colorful, but I'm not doing the things that I love. I'm not surrounded by the people I love. I don't live somewhere that I love, take classes that I love, wear things that I love, say things that I love. Love. That word has been weaving throughout my subconscious since July and it doesn't want to go away. For awhile, I thought perhaps I'd escaped it, but no. Love and it's sneaky little way crawled back in through my ear and settled into a nice condo above my right eye (that location is just a guesstimate, I'm only 87.5% sure it's the right eye).

I want life. LIFE, you know? Something I can grab onto and ride around until I'm utterly exhausted. I want something powerful and emotional and feeling and passionate. I want a big city where there will be thousands of people for me to meet every single day.

I just want more.

That's my problem, I can never just be satisfied. This leads to multiple other, unmentionable problems in my life. As the resident therapist says, "The pursuit of perfection is evil!"

Today was just a really rough day because I can't reason my way around the realization that childhood is over but adulthood isn't available.

By the way, my random scrawled poetry will have to wait for a while so I can re-focus and become re-inspired. So, enjoy one of my favorite slam poets, Sarah Kay. She's incredible.