I'm getting to that point where you realize you can't go back to the life you established when you were a kid. For me, especially, it's a difficult stage to be in. I'm not yet in college, but I'm not in high school; my life is floating somewhere in the universe, bobbing up and down trying to find the next planet to pull it into their gravitational force field.
At the moment, life feels empty. Devoid of all passion would be an understatement. Okay, maybe not devoid, because all of my emotion is rather intense and sporadic and colorful, but I'm not doing the things that I love. I'm not surrounded by the people I love. I don't live somewhere that I love, take classes that I love, wear things that I love, say things that I love. Love. That word has been weaving throughout my subconscious since July and it doesn't want to go away. For awhile, I thought perhaps I'd escaped it, but no. Love and it's sneaky little way crawled back in through my ear and settled into a nice condo above my right eye (that location is just a guesstimate, I'm only 87.5% sure it's the right eye).
I want life. LIFE, you know? Something I can grab onto and ride around until I'm utterly exhausted. I want something powerful and emotional and feeling and passionate. I want a big city where there will be thousands of people for me to meet every single day.
I just want more.
That's my problem, I can never just be satisfied. This leads to multiple other, unmentionable problems in my life. As the resident therapist says, "The pursuit of perfection is evil!"
Today was just a really rough day because I can't reason my way around the realization that childhood is over but adulthood isn't available.
By the way, my random scrawled poetry will have to wait for a while so I can re-focus and become re-inspired. So, enjoy one of my favorite slam poets, Sarah Kay. She's incredible.
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