there's a screw loose in the pendulum

I am confused beyond measure. Unclear of my position, my status, my being. What is my life? What has it been? I can't seem to remember it. Last week, I woke up and forgot who I was. For thirty minutes, I had no recollection of my childhood or my location or my name. I merely lay in bed, staring at the ceiling contemplating my existence and it's significance. This makes you realize how insignificant your existence truly is. We live, we die. Others live after us and they die. And so on and so forth. There is no point, it's this never ending cycle of shit (because that's really all we are and all we contribute to the universe, just lots of shit).

I was really beginning to find myself, discover who I was and what I was and how I was and how I've been and why. However, my life has encountered some turbulence and no equilibrium can come from it. My life is a pen balancing on the edge of a cliff like a see-saw, waiting for some force to penetrate the surface of either side. Either way I will be falling. Hard. Life is painful and intense and colorful at the moment. This is always my problem, aside from how I deal with my problems as well. That's also awful. I don't cut or anything, so you can sleep better now.

I have 99 problems.

I don't even have a song that works for how I feel. Only my past writings of the last two years to remind me that I've survived this long.

Fuck it, I've got to be at least halfway through my nine lives by now. They're slipping grain by grain through my heart's hourglass.